After Dinner, Afterlife
If it were you and I,
both of us
bearing crosses on our backs,
and lifted high upon our crimes
(like a Bible story
or a fairy tale from some
damned, banned book)
we'd surely be honoured
at the gates of Saint Peter,
Valhalla
or Hell
with medals, wine, wings
and songs of praise
for our lives within fables
and our ability to conquer
with only a blind mule -
and a switch.















Comments
This was such a clever line.
for our lives within fables
and our ability to conquer life
This was the only thing I had a problem moment with, and only because of the close repetition of 'lives/life'.
And in other news. YOU'RE FANTASTIC! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I LOVE YOU!
I like how the whole thing is hypothetical. Its all, If it were you and I. Not You and I.
Favorite line in the poem is "damned banned book" - it has a nice sound to it, I like how all of the words work with eachother in that line.
So yah. Good job. Glad to see you writing.
--
Harmonize your inward and your outward life, and you soul will know no bounds of joy.
--
~litNEWS, help us keep you informed.
may Beelzebub's scrotum rest firmly on your chin
--
Toujours vraie
And I love the title!
Nathan
Ca, c'est magnifique!
--
Literature Gallery Moderator
For Writers: Resource Central: Part One | Resource Central: Part Two
srsly. i wish i had actual crit but, yanno, sometimes stuff is just good
--
< GunShyMartyr > PinkyMcCoversong: o hi asl plz
< PinkyMcCoversong > GunShyMartyr: ask again in a cockney accent
< GunShyMartyr > ELLO daaaahling, what's yah name then. giveus a kiss would ya love? yer eighteen roite?
--
The promise: to live.
Consider dropping "lives" all together? Not sure it's needed.
However, i loved this
--
stirring stuff
consider dropping "life"
--
stirring stuff
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